G for Grief, that is.
The emotional sheet storm that you go through when you lose someone that you love.
It shows itself in many ways. I've heard a few times that there are some common stages that we can go through in the grieving process.
One stage they don't always talk about is the week or two straight after. l call it the "Taking care of business" / whirlwind stage. Some of you might know what I'm talking about. You have to put off any thought of grieving properly until after your loved one has been put to rest. There's so many decisions to be made. Who will be the funeral director? What type of coffin should you choose? Do you choose cremation or a burial? What clothes and shoes do I need to choose for them to be buried in? Makeup? Jewellery? Photos? Letters? What wording shall we use in the funeral notice? What are the correct details of their parentage, DOB and place of birth? Marriages? Date and location? Then there's deciding about how the service should go. Flowers? Songs? Prayers / readings? who will write and/ or deliver the eulogy? Shall there be an open mic for people to share memories? What about afterwards? The Wake.. where should it be held? How should it be catered?
That's just one DAY to plan and get through. Next comes sorting out personal effects, what to do with them.. fighting off "friends" that have put dibs on certain items. This insensitivity can cause irreparable damage in a relationship. Cleaning and preparing their house to be sold, gut wrenching.
If a Will has to be read, it means a few trips and many phone calls, emails to a solicitor as the instructions are carried out. The nastiness factor between family members can multiply exponentially when they want to make sure they don't miss out on their "share".
One lesson l have learned is that having a Will is important, however, it is essential to keep it updated REGULARLY. Two grandchildren missed out on any inheritance because their names weren't added. The evil Step-family would not honour the original intent of our parent's wishes, that the estate was to be divided equally among the grandchildren. Oh well.
This is just an overview of what you might face before you can Stop and have a moment to breathe and even begin to walk through the grieving process.
Off the top of my head, I think the first stage is denial. That makes sense, when you stop and think about it. Speaking personally, my experience of denial wasn't a refusal to accept that my loved one had gone. It was more like, it felt SO surreal, I knew she was gone, but some days I found myself thinking, I must tell Mum that or the heart twinge when you want to pickup the phone and call, then you realise you can't. To me, denial is more like the cruel reminder they aren't around when you have slipped back into some version of normality.
Another stage is anger. Anger at them, that they left you. Anger that they might have lived longer if they didn't drink or smoke and actually looked after themselves properly. Most of my anger was not only as a result of the way certain people acted, it was also how I deal with stressful Situations. l become extremely irritable, agitated and anxious, lashing out by yelling at the poor person who just happened to be "annoying" me at the time.
There are other stages to discuss, just not right now. I feel like I might still be in he anger stage, to be honest. l think Sorrow is another Stage. I've experienced a few, especially around special days. I just feel like Curling up and sleeping all day. At least in my dreams I might see her, Sometimes sleep is a pleasant way to switch off and steel yourself to deal with the world again.
"Watch this Space.''
More to come..
TGBTG
Anje xo
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