This post is brought to you by the letter " G"

G for Grief, that is.

The emotional sheet storm that you go through when you lose someone that you love.

It shows itself in many ways. I've heard a few times that there are some common stages that we can go through in the grieving process.

One stage they don't always talk about is the week or two straight after.  l call it the "Taking care of business" / whirlwind stage. Some of you might know what I'm talking about. You have to put off any thought of grieving properly until after your loved one has been put to rest. There's so many decisions to be made. Who will be the funeral director? What type of coffin should you choose? Do you choose cremation or a burial? What clothes and shoes do I need to choose for them to be buried in? Makeup? Jewellery? Photos? Letters? What wording shall we use in the funeral notice? What are the correct details of their parentage, DOB and place of birth? Marriages? Date and location? Then there's deciding about how the service should go. Flowers? Songs? Prayers / readings? who will write and/ or deliver the eulogy? Shall there be an open mic for people to share memories? What about afterwards? The Wake.. where should it be held? How should it be catered?

That's just one DAY to plan and get through. Next comes sorting out personal effects, what to do with them.. fighting off "friends" that have put dibs on certain items. This insensitivity can cause irreparable damage in a relationship. Cleaning and preparing their house to be sold, gut wrenching.

If a Will has to be read, it means a few trips and many phone calls, emails to a solicitor as the instructions are carried out. The nastiness factor between family members can multiply exponentially when they want to make sure they don't miss out on their "share".

One lesson l have learned is that having a Will is important, however, it is essential to keep it updated REGULARLY. Two grandchildren missed out on any inheritance because their names weren't added. The evil Step-family would not honour the original intent of our parent's wishes, that the estate was to be divided equally among the grandchildren. Oh well.

This is just an overview of what you might face before you can Stop and have a moment to breathe and even begin to walk through the grieving process.

Off the top of my head, I think the first stage is denial.  That makes sense, when you stop  and think about it. Speaking personally, my experience of denial wasn't a refusal to accept that my loved one had gone. It was more like, it felt SO surreal, I knew she was gone, but some days I found myself thinking, I must tell Mum that or the  heart twinge when you want to pickup the phone and call, then you realise you can't. To me, denial is more like the cruel reminder they aren't around when you have slipped back into some version of normality.

Another stage is anger. Anger at them, that they left you. Anger that they might have lived longer if they didn't drink or smoke and actually looked after themselves properly. Most of my anger was not only as a result of the way certain people acted, it was also how I deal with stressful Situations. l become extremely irritable, agitated and anxious, lashing out by yelling at the poor person who just happened to be "annoying" me at the time.

There are other stages to discuss, just not right now. I feel like I might still be in he anger stage,  to be honest. l think Sorrow is another Stage. I've experienced a few, especially around special days. I just feel like Curling up and sleeping all day. At least in my dreams I might see her, Sometimes sleep is a pleasant way to switch off and steel yourself to deal with the world again.

"Watch this Space.''
More to come..

TGBTG
Anje xo

The halfway mark

Next week will see the beginning of June. It represents a few things for our little family..

It's the half way mark for the year, nothing new there!

In the awesome land of Aus, June is the first month of winter (my favourite season).

l am about to complete my sixth year of teaching junior high school Maths and Science (wow, that time has flown!) Another year and a half to go and I can take long service leave, WOOHOO!

B1 is rapidly moving closer to the end of Grade 12. * SIGH *

My first born might be flying the nest, if he can decide what he wants to do. We took him to the local careers expo this afternoon. lt seems that he might be leaning towards studying science, MAYBE engineering.  He loves his Physics and Chemistry...  The next question is which university? Local or out of town? Moving away from home to study will make me stress out about whether he will do the reading, go to lectures (and TALK to strangers, oh my!) study and/ or do assignments.

Honestly, the responsibilities he has had as the eldest child and an upbringing that has taught him some lessons about the real world, I think he will thrive. IF you are reading this, my precious boy, l firmly believe you are equipped to make wise (and most likely VERY opinionated) choices and survive in the big wide world. Much better equipped than I ever was, that's for sure.

The credit for this goes to Husband dear. We have come from polar extremes of parenting styles. If l was allowed to, I would have (unintentionally) raised a Mummy's boy rather than a young man. l would often do everything for him. This was a bad idea on several levels. Firstly, I was making a rod for my own back making extra work for me and secondly, depriving our Son of invaluable Opportunities to develop age appropriate independence and responsibility. With husband's guidance, l slowly and reluctantly released the apron strings. For that, dear husband, l really do thank you. One day, our boy will too.

B1 might argue some days we were too hard on him. He sometimes moaned about other Kids who didn't have to do jobs at home AND still got pocket money AND that everything was handed to them on a platter (a bit green with envy, me thinks!). I think over time he has come to realise that he holds more skills and knowledge than his pampered counterparts and will find life much easier to navigate on his own.

l am So excited for him but also dreading the moment he really has grown up

TGBTG

Anje

A new frontier...

Another year over, and we are a quarter into the next, hard  to believe, actually!

At the moment unchartered, our family is navigating unchartered territory in some instances. Let me elaborate..

Quite a few milestones reached, we now have two teenage sons! Up until the last 12 months,  I thought that our 16 year old had managed to avoid the teenage angst we often hear about. No, indeed, we did not avoid that drama. It manifests itself in different ways,  unique to each individual teenager.  One common symptom is mood swings and the craving of solitude. Given that their bodies are flooded with hormones at levels they have never experienced,  I am able to empathize, some days more than others. This year faces the end of his schooling phase, Year 12. I am going to be a blubbering mess when he graduates. I have had him at school with me for the last four years, it will feel like a massive hole in my heart will be ripped open this time next year. *sniff*

So, we have to buckle up and prepare for the next round with our brand new 13 year old, with a dash of Aspergers thrown in to boot. This one has a lot of change ahead of him, starting high school 5 weeks. Thankfully, I am the coordinator of his year level so I can help him get through it.  Still, it's hard to comprehend he has finished primary school,  he was only a baby yesterday!

The second half of our family unit, the pink half, also has to deal with change... I like the idea of calling them Big Pink and Little Pink, actually!  Big pink will start grade 1 and continue to sprout more adult teeth.  (So far, she has lost 4, and she really did need her two front teeth for Christmas!) She has started to learn how to read this year, so far, she is very keen to be a good reader. She has grabbed some of our children's books and made a huge effort to read them, giving me opportunities to teach her some things she hasn't heard in class yet.

Little Pink is in her second year of going to day care (we call it Kindy). She has really blossomed, most of the time she is a little treasure. She is starting to push boundaries with "no" lately, although overall, she is still an easy going child.

On the subject of the names Big and Little Pink, I wanted to refer to the boys Big Blue and Little Blue, but I think they are a bit old for that now.  My mind then progressed to B1 and B2... that can cover Blue or Boy. They also drive me bananas,  so those nicknames are even more appropriate! Pardon the pun....

I even have a nickname for our car, Black Beauty. I'm a bit quirky, if you didn't already realise....  besides the obvious that it is a black car, the nickname has special meaning to me.  Black Beauty was one of  the first stories that I loved when I was old enough to sit on Mum's lap and she would read to me. I think I still have that book somewhere, to read to my kids. It will hopefully show up when I finish unpacking... (ugh)

Wonder what I can nickname our house... my first thought is the Castle. It suits on a few levels, actually.

Anyhoo, that will do for now. Hopefully it won't be so long between posts

Anje xox

TGBTG